now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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