____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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