If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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