the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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