You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
