I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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