Pants 0. Shit 1.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
