Already got asked if we're dating
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
