peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
