We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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