Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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