the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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