I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
