Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
