it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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