someone get that fucking seahorse.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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