I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
