I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
