I just made out with a guy for $7.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
