My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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