You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
