i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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