you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
