I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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