I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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