why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
