From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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