I think im going to throw up on grandma
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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