Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
