We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's never too late to be topless.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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