So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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