I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
