he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
