It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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