apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
