with your own penis?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
