You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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