i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
