One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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