just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
