Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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