She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
