alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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