I wish I could punch you in the face.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
FUCK WHALES
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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