NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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