I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
