you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
