Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
