i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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