I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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