how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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