I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
