i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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