You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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