Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
