Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
