I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
