Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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