but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
