I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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