Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
