his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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