i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
