I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
