You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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