Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
