She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
