i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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