I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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