I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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