I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
